note to self ; frot

Hahah at last night...

was really fun, even if it ended a bit shit. Went over to Rach's for a couple of hours and we basically just fucked about getting drunk, taking photos, talking about people, and sending people funny photos of babies stuck in man boobs. I don't know why. But it was a lot of fun :)

I love Rachel (L). and i also officially love her room, its soo cute haha :)

However, we should never have left hers, because it was cold, and disappointing.

I've woken up today with a bit of a hangover, and im currently at my dads :)

And my stepmum has said that she'll buy my reading ticket this year for my birthday, so thats a bit wicked :) means i dont have to worry about thaaat. And they're also in the process of trying to fix my laptop, and if they can't today then they're going to keep it and give it too some man who is obviously a great computer fixing whizz kid and so this might be the last time im online for a few days.

Not that anybody cares ;) haha

Im in one of those moods where im completely excited but i dont know why haha, its a good feeling :)

Im off to watch terminator salvation, i think my dad and Jack have already started watching it.

ciao xx

Note to self ; Good Times

So basically i got offered a place at Northampton, they were like, we definatley want you. Hope to see you in September. i was like COOL THANKS haha :)
The other 3 guys that were getting interviewed were fiiiiiiine ;)

Me and my Mum got completely lost on the way back haha, it was jokes.
And then i came home to a letter from Portsmouth telling me i have an interview on the 25th of February :) so more good times heading my way. :)

note to self ; my laptop is a wanker

'Windows has recovered from an unexpected shut down'
Its not unexpected anymore, it ALWAYS happens.

Today at work we were messing about with these weird things that we sell, and Neesh made me. and i made Neesh :)
also, with one of those gem stickers, i tested out what it would be like to get the other side of my nose pierced, and so im dead set on getting it done on Monday :)

I have my interview for Northampton tomorrow. Shit. haha :) Wish me luck.

note to self ; stop spending money.

i REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY need to stop spending money ! :/
i proper need to start saving, but there is so many pretty things that i want to buy. damn the world.
Tomorrow im taking my portfolio into college to sort it out for my interview on Thursday. Which im really worried about :|
ha.

note to self ; good times.

this just gets me every time.

Okay soo, a few minor catch ups are in need - Wednesday i went to see Avatar and it is SO good. I kinda wished that i lived where the blue people lived because everywhere was pretty and glowed at night :)
Thursday - Nothing much happened, college and then sat on by a blind person (as you were informed)

Yesterday
College was really fun. I didn't stop laughing with my toofhers ;) And it was really funny pretending to 'hate' tiff at the end of the day, and being chased around by India because she wanted some loving ;)
Then after col, me and Annis stocked up on vodka and jooooose and i headed over to hers at around half 7 were we proceeded to get merry and take photos, like this...
and then Rach turned up and caught us up on her life with a crazy bitch thats stalking her and threatening her, so THAT was fun :)
Then we headed out to meet the boys to then wander the streets of hagbourne in the pouring rain having a gay ol' time ;) haha. It was a riight good laugh though.
We then wanted to see how shit we looked so took a photo...
don't we just look beautiful ?
anyway - I got so drunk. I can't remember how i got home or what time, all i know is that Danny made sure i safely arrived at my front door. I'm surprised that he didn't have to carry me all the way home.
Its always funny the day after you've had a night out
I woke up smelling of fags and drink and covered in mud. No headache - phew phew phew.
Annis then informed me that she was well sick when she got in. I don't remember her leaving. haha. Nathan then reminded me that I'd rung him for a random chat, had told him that i was going to go stay with him in half term and that I'd just stay in his bed whilst he was at uni.
SO THAT WILL BE FUN !
Umm Rach also told me that she lost me when she was getting a kebab, that she thought i was waiting outside for her but when she came out, i was gone haha. Bloody good times !

Oh also, i think for our college trip that we're going to Paris, so that should be fun :)
Tomorrow my plan is to fill up the day and do as much on my portfolio as i can for my interview Thursday - exciting times. :)

THAT IS ALL BYE !

note to self ; i wanna dance with somebody

Okay so you know those things that you say - how could that possibly of just happened?

well, today, something happened to me that is just completely unexplainable.

I was happily sat on the bus on the way home from college this evening, minding my own business staring out the window, when all of a sudden a blind woman sits on my lap. Would this EVER, EVER happen to you ? No it wouldn't. I got home told my mum, after about 10 minutes of laughter she finally says - 'Jazz, i have never heard of that happening in all my 40 years. It could only happen to you. Why are you so unlucky? Remind me never to get on a plane with you!' (insert more laughter here) And tbh, I'm in total agreement with her on this one. I swear im just a magnet for abnormal things. Seriously, ask everyone you know if a blind person has ever accidentally sat on them, and i bet they say no.

I also managed to somehow get hair dye on a top that i safely took off and put well away from the dye.

And, my malteasers got stuck in the vender machine today and so i had to buy two packets.

I think for today - thats all that really needs to be said. ;)

I'll explain in more detail the last few days over the weekend. Have a good one and mind out for blind people.

note to self ; YAY :)

GOOD MOOD ! GOOD MOOD !

in fact, I've been in a good mood since last night.
At like half 11, i text Danny and asked if he wanted to go for a walk, i couldn't sleep. haha.
And so we went for a walk, and just talked and talked and talked, it was lush :)
I ended up getting in at about half 1 :)

So this morning i woke up in such a good mood.
Had all my work ready to take into college for my assessment, which i really really thought i was going to get a shit mark for. BUT, i got a distinction and a merit :) So I'm well happy with that :)
GOOD TIMES MY FRIENDS.

Ummm oh also, i came home to my leggings !
WHICH are beautiful and im in love with them haha :) !!

Later on i think im going out with Danny.
And tomorrow i have work and then we're maybe going to the cinema to see avatar (his choice) haha :)

BYE

note to self ;im not sure what flavour lolly this is.

Today im good :)
College was a waste this morning and so i was home by 12.

AND I GOT A REPLY FROM BRIGHTON :)
they basically want the same as Falmouth, but without the stupid statements.

And so im currently in the process of taking photos of my work so i can then put it on here and it'll be quicker to sort out what to send where and what to not send at all.
However, the battery on the camera just ran out and so its sat on the kitchen side charging whilst i sit here, killing about half hour so i can then carry on.

This makes me feel like im a step closer to sending things off. Which is a good feeling.
I might research into the 'disciplines of illustration' after this, so when it comes to thinking about writing a statement, i'll have kind of an idea into what they actually want me to write. Then again, i probably wont, and i'll leave it for another day.

My assessments tomorrow, i haven't finished a ton of projects, but tbh, im not fazed. I want to just go in there and ask them loads of questions about my portfolio.

Also, last night i bought these...




And so i hope hope hope hope that they look that nice on :)


I bought pick 'n' mix today, which im gunna go share with Danny later on. If hes in, if not, share with myself sat in his living room haha.

:)

note to self ; nothing.

You know how a cold has to get worse before it gets better.

maybe this is how this is going to go.

Yesterday i had work, it wasn't bad. Bloody busy though, and i wanted to smack some woman in the face, she was so fucking rude.

I hate it when people don't give us respect because its not like we're nasty to them is it. And im really not in the mood at the moment to be treated like shit. I'm a sales assistant, not the fucking manager !

Oh also, i served a transvestite :)

And even though i was perfectly aware that it was a man who wanted to be a woman, i still had the shock of a lifetime when he came up to the till and said 'have you got any hoop clip ons' in a really deep manly voice. Pahaha, she then proceeded to get out of her handbag, his wallet. ;) haha. It was so funny.

Then yesterday evening i went over to Dannys, drank lots of wine with his mum, cried my eyes out for a good 2 hours, and told her everything i was feeling about him, about danny, about uni. everything.

And so that was my Saturday.

This morning i wake up, 10 minutes later i get a call from Danny saying he wants me to come over.

and so i did, and we just spent the day laid on his bed playing call of duty. well. i watched haha.

It was nice.

But then i had to leave, and i didn't want too and i cried on his doorstop to his mum again.

So she walked me home, and told me that the first thing she did this morning was go into see Danny and told him that i was unhappy and that i thought he was disappointed in me, and he basically replied, i'm not going into work today, she's coming over.

And so that was my sunday. #

why dont i feel any better?

I GOT A REPLY FROM FALMOUTH

Yay :)) !
However, i have to have a minimum of 12 images of work on a disc (yeah yeah thats cool)
BUT THEN...

i have to write a short statement on the topic -'A definition of the discipline of Illustration and how society benefits from, or is affected by, its many uses'


AND ALSO
i have to write a short statement on 'why i wish to study Illustration at Falmouth'

haha, and all this has to REACH the university by the 8th of Feb.
And im worried because i know how unreliable college is at organizing and helping. So wish me luck.

but, i am really really excited !
After all this they then choose who will be invited to interview. So wish me luuuuuck ;)

Ima go make some breakfast now, i have about an hour before i need to leave for work.

:)

Ps, yay for being able to see the concrete and grass today :))

note to self ; the world is full of peasants.

This morning was horrible. I felt horrible. And ya know how i say i'm always unlucky ?
I needed to get some money out this morning so we stopped off at shell garage for the cash machine and before i got out of the car, i said to Annis and my mum 'i bet its fucking out of order' walked over to it ... 'Sorry, this machine is temporarily out of service.'

My day got worse from here, well, i say day, the afternoon i didn't feel so bad.
I got into college and we basically just started doing our 'shapes' project, cept all i wanted was to be alone. i didn't really want to have to talk to anyone, or pretend to be okay and smile. (Another bad night last night, guess it carried on into the morning.) In fact, i gave up trying to be okay, i guess at the moment, i tend to get sick of pretending. I probably pissed everyone else off by being in a mood but oh well.
Think they've decided we're going to do something near valentines day - i hope it happens, because im dreading being alone that weekend.
Mon even asked what was wrong with me today. lol.
And then when i was with Hannah (tutor), she was like - are you okay ? you don't seem okay ? So i almost broke down and cried in the store cupboard, which would've been a barrel of laughs.
The afternoon wasn't too bad, everyone in the mac room cheered me up a bit when they were messing about with this computerized voice on the macs that said whatever you typed. So we had a Stephen Hawkins voice saying things like 'Matt is a Douche'. Plus, i think that when i concentrate on my work it calms me a little. So by the end of the day i was feeling okay.
Oh also, i had my tarot cards read by Angela. The only one that i remember was the card that i picked out that was meant to represent what i'm supposed to overcome, and guess what the card meant ? ... loneliness. Even my Tarot Cards know that i am lonely. How fucking lame.

I need to sort myself out.

I'm working 12 til 6 tomorrow now because Ana called in sick, who was supposed to be covering for Rach because Rach was supposed to cover for Ana last sunday. Which i ended up doing. And now im ending up covering for both of them tomorrow too. Oh well, more money.
Think tomorrow night im going over Dannys, not to spend time with him of course, nah he doesnt have time for me anymore. But to drink wine with his mum whilst watching casualty. Ah well, i haven't been out in weeks, so i guess that's something.

Nathan wanted to be mentioned in this. He likes bums I love you. :)

Why am i watching the news ?

note to self ; tired

Another bad night last night. Today wasn't much better. Mood wise.
Saw him. When i was on the bus. And it felt like the little healing that I've done over the last few days was ripped right back open again.

The only thing that's keeping me going right now is my Mum, Nathan, and having college work to do.


Wonderful.

note to self ; you need to do some washing soon.

Okay so basically about a year ago, my mum told me that i had to start doing my own washing. And i swear i do it once a month, haha. I wait until i have literally no clean underwear and only the shit clothes left in my wardrobe - i guess that shows i have a LOT of clothes. But yeah, mental note to do some this weekend. or if college is closed then do some tomorrow.

I had work today, which was utterly pointless as the highest amount of customers we had at one time was 5 in one hour. And we weren't even allowed to close early - sucked.

Its basically snowed all day.

I was meant to go to the cinema tonight with Mikey, but he never got back to me.

Surprise surprise. Don't get me wrong, I'm not mad at him. Its just starting to grind on me that nobody really wants to spend time with me anymore. They've all got someone better in there lives. However, i don't really think its fair for me to be shunned. Oh well. Loneliness it is then.

I hope that the college is closed tomorrow, the snow is starting to bug me, any excuse not to go out in it is a good one.

Oh also, over the last couple of days i have picked up this stupid little 'cough' that today, seems to be a lot worse. Every time i laugh, it turns into a coughing fit. And earlier at work i kept loosing my voice, and now i can't hear myself speak. Its beautiful.

I wish i had a Barney Stintson in my life.

Thats it. Take care.

note to self ; i miss being able to walk properly on concrete

So it's 20.09 and im feeling rather content to be honest :)
And I've had a pretty productive day, well afternoon.
The bus turned up today, and so we managed to get into college, got given a new project, which could land a real work placement as a creative designer at body shop, or a paid four weeks working for some guy who i'm guessing is a pretty good guy to work for and some other stuff which I've forgotten. Haha. So its pretty cool :)
I don't know which brief to go for though. I doubt I'll win the competition, but its all fun and games.

Me and Annis, bought a load of A1 card today, and so getting it home on the bus, walking through the snow - was a mission ! And it made my arm go stiff. It hurt haha.
But i've spent the whole afternoon mounting all my work ready for my interview on the 28th. I rang out of glue at one point and trekked to Sainsburys. Didcot has turned into an ice rink, i was close to sliding into the road.

So many people have made me laugh tonight :)
and Andy's said that at Reading he'll give me a sailor jerry as my birthday drink. I'm gunna hold him to it haha.
Good times.
BORED NOW BYE

note to self ; no bus no college.

So the bus didn't turn up. Which i'm kinda glad about seeing as i didn't really want to trust the crazy/druggie/grumpy bus drivers to get me to college without killing me on the roads :) so that's coool !
So instead we went to Sainsburys, and i purchased a carton of milk, whipped cream and marshmallows, and i have just made a really yummy hot chocolate that looked really cool before it all melted. I wanted to take a photo but again, no camera at hand. However, my mug went skitzo on me, and was boiling when it was in the microwave, and when i went to take it out it burnt me and now i have a blistered finger :(
DAMN MUG.

So my plan today is to sit around, and get some work done. I think I'm getting a headache. Boo.

note to self ; well isn't this exciting.

This is my 100th post. We should have a party.
So other than getting to work, Maria asking how i was, and my reply being to burst into tears. Today i'm not feeling to bad.

Do you love that just after i typed that last sentence i was thinking about how i should've bought a few things after my shift at work and so instead of carrying on writing this blog i went downstairs and asked my mum if she wanted to walk into town with me.
And so whilst we walked to town i basically told her whats happened, and what hes done to me. And we spent the whole time bitching about him and bitching about my stepdad who she moaned to me about because he's being a dick at the moment as well.
And i now feel so much better. My mum basically said that he was a bastard, but that it wouldn't be the first time and that I'm a strong enough person to be okay through all of this.
I also find it quite amusing that I'm able to openly talk about my sex life with my mother. haha.
But anyway, i managed to buy the things i wanted :) And i also stocked up on 3 cartons of cranberry juice for my 'constantly thinking i need to pee' problem, not gunna lie, its not exactly a barrel of laughs. And apparently cranberry juice helps. So we'll give this bad boy a go ;)

Speaking from this present moment, i think, knock on wood. That i feel like Jazz again.

I'm off to make things. Toodle Pip Fans ;)

birds can fly so high and they can shit on your head yeah

note to self ; sorry.

these blogs aren't exactly what i had in mind for the beginning of 2010.

Last night my better mood was crushed, because he text me and basically admitted that he'd used me.
This was after trying to tell me i was wrong, and that i should just 'get it out of my head'
couple of minutes later - 'i feel terrible, i didn't want it to turn out like this. I got greedy'
to me replying, 'so even after you realized it wasn't what you wanted to happen you carried on using me?'
and then him finally admitting that what i was thinking was correct.
I think I'm actually exhausted from crying and hurting. i got to sleep at 4 in the end.
I bet you're bored reading about it.
But I've realized that this is the only way i talk about my feelings.
I'm not really sure how it works from here, because this has never happened before. Do i just feel like this until i wake up one morning and I'm okay ? Or do i have to have some sort of epiphany ? ha.
I'm already fed up of feeling like this.

Back to the good things that are happening in my life :
I just bought tickets to see Owl City in Feb. So i guess that's one thing planned for this year so far.

And thats all I've got right now.

note to self ; not quite a smiley face but definatley not a sad one this evening.

Tonight Mikey Beevor took me for a walk in the snow.
And it was finally like someone came and picked me up out of all the shit that i'm in at the moment.

It was lovely and just what i needed. So thank you :) xxxx

note to self ; hurt

Its quite funny, me and Annis used to say i was dead inside. And i always wondered why i could never cry, even if i was really sad, or had witnessed something sad. or anything.
I think i worked out today, that the reason i could never cry. Was because i've never had my heartbroken. Well i have now.
And for the past 3 days, I've cried - from being sad, from sad songs, from watching something sad on TV.

I think its safe to say that I'm no longer dead inside.
Its also safe to say that you have completely ruined the start of 2010 for me. You've left me feeling alone, used and stupid. I'm hurting so badly right now. And you really, really, don't give a fucking shit.
This year, i want rid of you from my life. Completely.
It was one of the things i wrote and sealed on my 'what i want from 2010' list.
to move on from you and meet someone new.
and that was even before you broke my heart.
So, so far so good on helping make that come true. You bastard.

note to self ; thought blog.

I have so many things on my mind at the moment.
Basically, i think I've just had my heart broken. Ha.
Haven't heard from you since you left my bed Sunday morning. Get what you wanted ? Arsehole :(
The one person who i thought wanted me doesn't want me either.
I feel so stupid and angry and upset.
I hate you.


And then you know when you just need someone to pick you up out of all the shit you've been sucked into. Can't even do that now you're with her, i guess I've been shunned again. And i guess you won't invite me out anymore because shes told you she hates me. Well thank you in advance for being inconsiderate, i really appreciate it.

The only thing i seem to be enjoying at the moment is the idea that in September I'll be starting the next stage of my life and moving on from all of those people who keep on letting me down, getting out of this routine and doing something new and exciting for once. I just hope that for once in my life, i have luck behind me when it happens.

Life
I'm off college again tomorrow because of the snow. It looks really pretty, until you're out in it - cold.

note to self ; my family cheer me up.

So i was just happily drawing a bird in my bird book, when i hear a soft noise on my bed, i turn around to see a snowball just sitting next to me. My stepdad had managed to silently throw a snowball through my open window without making any sound what so ever. I dont think i've laughed like that all day.
I looked outside and my mum and stepdad were pissing themselves. Its one of those moments where you wish it could have been recorded from both points. But alas, this isn't the truman show.
Snow makes me happy :) And i'm looking forward to going for a walk in it with Annis and possibly Mikey tomorrow.

Snow makes winter good. :)

note to self ; bad day.

Right about now, i feel used, unwanted and incapable of doing anything right.
i'm so fed up of never meaning something important to anyone. second best ? yeah. story of my fucking life.

the only good thing that came out of today was that i got an interview at northampton on the 28th.




winter - fuck off.

note to self ; don't you want me baby.

Haha today was first day back at college, and it was wicked :)
We're doing printmaking and i made this ...

However i shouldn't be trusted with knives or any other bladed objects... i cut myself today haha and then i got home and accidentally got salt in it, and it stung like a b i t c h.

I came home and actually did more work, i've decided to try and do a little bit of my bauhaus project each night so that hopefully i'll have the final outcome ready at the end of the week.
Ima go get a shower, hopefully tonight i'll get some sleep.

note to self ; two posts today, aren't you lucky ;)

So basically im just clocking in to inform you all of the epic productivity that filled my life today.
After i'd got up out of the twins room, i went back to see if Scotty was awake yet, he was, he was dressed and had tidied my room and made my bed for me hahaa. Which in my opinion is just the best thing to walk in your room to find ;) So that saved me alot of time after he'd gone as it meant that i could just get straight into doing work.

Today i managed : -
♥ to create six newspaper layouts and decide which one was the best for my illustration - mounted onto an A1 sheet.
♥ my final illustration aswell as the layout - mounted onto an A1 sheet.
♥ 3 pages in my A3 sketchbook - 2 on artists work/images on the theme of my article & 1 on annotation (layouts)
♥ ANNND AND, i managed to do an A1 sheet on the shitty Bauhaus project deciding on how to apply the design to the cushion cover.

& now, my hands are covered in glue :) and i am left one proud person. Today wasn't a waste :)

I also sent out a message on facebook about the holiday - no one replied. Matt got my text today though.
I was thinking maybe it would be easier to stick to England haha, it'll be so much easier for me to organise + everyone will be able to afford it.

I just have a feeling that this year is going to be wicked :)

note to self ; please try and get some work done today - even if it kills you.

So i'm currently sat in my little brother and sisters room. Because a certain someone is still asleep in my bed - taking up the WHOLE of it. haha.
I would sit on my floor or the desk, but when my curtains are closed during the day my room is just filled with a dim red light where the sun is shining through them, and i cannot stand it haha.
But its okay, because its quiet in here.

My plans for today are to hopefully get a load of work done. Im so fed up of being behind, but im also fed up of all the shitty bits in between our projects that we have to do. Like the research. I hate research. Surely Art doesn't need an explanation and its all about the viewers interpretation of the work ? Well thats what i think anyway. Don't get me wrong i like looking at other peoples work but i don't need to write about it, i look, i think, i'm done. I don't like how i have to justify everything i do with stupid annotation and studies of other peoples work that relate to my own. My work doesn't relate to anybodies, its my own work. Its independent. See my point ?

Oh also, so far planning a holiday is failing me, i sent out a text last night, only Annis replied haha. I went round Dannys and he said he never got the text, but i didn't have time to talk to him about it because he was back off round to Gaby's.
I don't really know where to start on the whole planning of this :/ Maybe i'll send out another text today. My phones so unreliable at texting. Sometimes people don't get my texts, and most of the time i get two of every text anyone sends me. Stupid Phone.

Anyway i'm done with this blog. Wish me luck on doing my work.

note to self ; well that was good.

Its basically the end of the christmas half term. And its been a good one.

Its currently 15:07. I've already done a four hour shift at work, but it feels like i have a whole day left. Its really weird. I was gunna spend the rest of the afternoon doing work, but as soon as i sat down i was like naaaah !

Also whilst i was at work today, i decided that im going to organise a holiday for a group of us to go on :)
Because everyone i know is shit at organizing ;) and i don't want this summer to be a waste like the last one and so im going to take it upon myself to organize for us to go away. Yes. And it will be fun :)
Im hoping everyones up for going abroad, because i want to go somewhere nice + it'll be good for us 'underage' lot as we wont have to worry about going out in the evenings.
FUN TIMES.

im excited and so far, so is Tiff :)

note to self ; so its the new year.

First day of 2010. And i feel as if things are no different haha.
Last night, as far as 'family night in playing games' go... was shit. My family just sat and watched tv. And seeing as our living room is small there wasn't enough room for us all to sit together, so my night resulted in sitting up in my room alone watching csi boxset and sadly folding my roses wrappers into squares because i was that bored. It really wasn't a very good night.
Im glad i went out Wednesday night, because if we forget last night, then it was a wicked way to end 2009.

I sat and wrote out a 'New years resolution/things i want to achieve by this time next year' list. Which i then sealed and i'm going to look at it again next year to see if i did the things i wrote down.
I also tried looking back on 2009, and there wasn't anything i could think of that i remember being amazing or remarkable. In my eyes, last year was a waste.
I hope this year will be better.

I've done work today, and it took me all day, and theres barely anything to look at at all which is so annoying because i expected to get it all done but its taking ages. Stupid Bahaus Project. Go Die.

I was also thinking, theres now nothing to look forward to. I need plans. I sound so depressed haha. Im not, im just not excited anymore, because i now have nothing to be excited about.
Happy New Year.